I had a really cool day at church today. They were baptising people and reading the bible and other boring stuff. While they were praying, I asked Jesus if he is a cbater. No one laughed, though, so I said "r/woosh." (funny reddit reference) No one laughed, which is kinda stupid. Doesn't everyone use reddit? so I said "my girlfriend hates my sex music" /cr. Everyone was angry at me, for some strange reason. Then, the anti-cbatic priest said "be quiet, this is the church meeting," so I screamed "CHURCH MEETING? MORE LIKE R/TIFU MEETING!" The scream was so hard that a piece of the ceiling fell to the floor. During the basket handouts, I said "thanks for the gold kind stranger" and put all of the free money there in my pockets. Before anyone could do anything, I used my 100 iq to hack into the speakers and play the song "cbat" by hudson mohawke. Still, no one understood, which is kinda cringe. The rest of the church wasn't that interesting. The priest said "Genesis 23:6 Sir, listen to us. You are a mighty prince among us. Bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb for burying your dead." I went up to the fallen ceiling tile and slammed on it, saying "R/TIFU MEETING!" hoping he would laugh. All of a sudden, the pentagram on top of it started glowing just like the button and summoned the r/tifu mods! The priest was done with my funny jokes and tried to kick me out of the church, but luckily, I shoved his head into the baptism water just in time. My mom tried to report the dead body by calling the police, but I cbatically killed her with my bare hands. I used the cross to kill the rest, but not before one called 911. When the police came, I said "it's just a prank bro" and jumped out of the window. After that, I went home and spent all of the free money I was given on reddit gold. Cbat is life.